One thing every cancer patient knows is the chemo chair. That infusion chair becomes a second home, whether you want it to be or not. You walk in the first time, terrified. By the tenth time, you know exactly which chair you like, which nurse has the gentlest hands, and how to settle in for the long haul. If I added it all up, I have probably spent over 50 sessions sitting in that chair. From cisplatin to carboplatin to high dose vitamin C to various other infusions, it takes a lot out of you physically and mentally. Some days it takes everything you have just to show up.
Life in the Chemo Chair
The routine becomes familiar. They start with labs and a checkup. Then you wait for the results to make sure your kidneys, liver, and everything else is still functioning well enough to handle what comes next. Once you get the green light, they order the treatment from the hospital pharmacy. When the chemo finally arrives in your room, the nurses come in wearing full protective gear in case anything spills. That always puts things in perspective. The stuff they are putting into your veins is so powerful that if it touches someone else’s skin, it is a hazard. High dose vitamin C is a lot safer to work with, but chemotherapy demands that level of caution.
Infusions can take anywhere from 30 minutes to three hours, depending on the type and the speed at which they run. That is a lot of time sitting still. A lot of time to think. Sometimes too much time to think. Over all these sessions, I have thought about friends and family and the connections that matter most in life. I have thought about the people I love and the moments I do not want to miss. I have looked across the room at other people sitting in their own chemo chairs, fighting their own battles, and my heart goes out to every single one of them. We do not say much to each other, but there is an unspoken bond in that room. We all know what the other person is going through. And through many of those quiet hours, I poured my heart into writing my memoir.
72,000 Words of Tears and Smiles
I am proud to say the memoir is complete. 72,000 words. Writing this book was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and that is saying something for a guy who has been through stage four cancer. There was a lot of crying while writing it. Reliving the darkest moments, the fear, the uncertainty, the nights where I was not sure I would see the morning. But there was a lot of smiling too. The moments of grace. The answered prayers. The way my wife held it all together when I could not. Good times and tough times. Bright days and dark days. All of it made it onto the page because it all matters. The book is called “Still Here: How Faith, Food, and Family Beat Stage Four Cancer,” and I am getting lined up to self publish on Amazon. Before I do, I am looking for a copy editor to give it a final polish. If you know someone, send them my way. Until that time, you can read Chapter 1 here.
Fighting Forward
One thing a cancer patient knows is that you do not really beat cancer. You just keep fighting. You can fight it until it stops showing up, and thank God that is where I am right now. But every scan still makes your stomach drop. That never goes away. You sit in the waiting room trying to act calm, but inside your mind is racing through every possibility. I have tried to keep a positive attitude throughout it, and I truly believe, deep in my soul, that being positive helps good things happen. And I need you to know something. Your prayers, love, and donations have carried me through this journey more than you will ever know. On the days when I wanted to give up, knowing that people out there were praying for me and believing in me gave me the strength to keep going.
Today I Woke Up, Thank God
I do not know what the future holds. Nobody does. But I know this. Today I woke up. I was surrounded by family. I have good friends out there pulling for me. And after everything I have been through, that is more than enough to be grateful for. It is time to make something happen. I am still here, and I am not done yet.
If you have a minute, visit my blog at WaynesCancerJourney.com and drop a comment. Let me know how you are doing and what is on your mind. I would love to hear from you.
God bless and love you all,
Wayne